This is something I've had to deal with very recently. I had to let a person go from my life who I really cared a lot about but they were just completely toxic to my mental health without them actually meaning to be. It can be super hard to let go of someone who is bad for you, especially when there's a buttload of feelings involved. I've had to let go of so many people in my life simply because they were not healthy and they worsened my mental state.
It's really hard because when you're friends with that person or in a relationship with them, you don't want to see the negative effects, you only want to see the positives because you do care about them so much. You look at this toxic person through rose tinted glasses and make excuses for any wrong doings. Even when other people point out how bad they are for you, you just can't see it because you want to believe they're a good person deep down and what they're doing isn't intentional.
I'm the type of person who wants to save other people. What I mean by that is I see someone with a problem and I want to be the one who is able to change them or make them better in some way. I've had boyfriends with anger issues, eating problems, anxiety and depression and I see them as a sort of project, not in a bad way but I want to help them get better. I like helping people, most likely because I cannot help myself most of the time. I'm powerless to change myself and better myself, but I can at least try and help a person I care deeply about.
The problem is you can't always save people, and in the end, their problems become yours and you get the burden of it too. They don't want to burden you or anything but it happens unintentionally. Their hurt and pain becomes yours and then you almost have two sets of issues to deal with.
This happened to a relationship of mine where he was having massive issues with his anger, trust and mental health and I spent more time worrying about him than I did sorting myself out. It made me more anxious and really affected my mental health. In the end I realised that I couldn't do anything, and although it hurt and I knew how horrible and toxic the relationship had been recently, I let go of him and we broke up. I do still miss him from time to time and I think about him a lot and how he's doing, I don't care any less about him but I couldn't have him bringing me down. I became very low in my mood when I was around him and went back into my shell a bit because I was scared of hurting or upsetting him and that's not something you should ever do really.
The worst part of letting a toxic person in your life go is if you're still in love with them or if you still really care about them. Very recently I had to let go of someone who meant a lot to me, but wasn't being respectful or truthful to me, he messed me about a lot and my anxiety suffered because of that. I'm not saying that he didn't care about me or didn't try to help me, he did, but other things he did ruined us and it wasn't healthy for either of us to be friends or whatever we were any more. I didn't want anything in my room or in my life to remind me of him, so I got all of the stuff he had given me, including a teddy that meant a lot to me, put it in a bag, wrote him a letter that basically said goodbye. That was probably one of the hardest things I've had to do.
The worst of it is, not a day goes by where I don't wonder how he is or think about him in passing. I don't want to, and I'm staying strong in attempts to not contact him, but it is so hard not to. Especially considering the predicament I'm in currently. Unfortunately though, he had become a toxic person in my life and I had to let him go. It was a long time coming and although it's very sad and upsetting, it's probably best in the long run.
What I'm saying is I know how hard it can be to walk away from something when there's a lot of feelings involved or if you care deeply about someone. It's so hard to not pick up the phone and call them or not text them. They may be able to come back into your life in a year or in six months time, but for now, it's important to focus on yourself and getting better. That's something I had to realise on my own.
Stay awesome.
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