My Anxiety Around Men

I thought it would be best to start talking about my first experiences with anxiety. This is a kind of odd one to explain to people who don't really understand it and I haven't come across anyone who suffers with this form of anxiety, obviously let me know if you do. Since a very young age, around 6 months old, I began to have a fear of men. 

I can't really explain what triggered it initially, as I was so young I can't remember, but my mother always use to tell me that when I was a baby I would just cry and cry around men. I would cry at male doctors, male opticians, my childminders son, my uncles, etc. I wouldn't, however, cry around my father and my brothers.

 I know what everyone's initial thought of this is and many people have asked me about it, people think I must have been abused as a child or had a bad experience with a man. I have to say though, I really don't think that I was abused or had any bad experiences. That would explain it but I really don't feel that it's the case with me. My brother always joked about the fact that he use to poke me when I was sleeping to make me cry so my mother would take me back to the hospital, but I honestly don't think that was the trigger behind my fear as I've always been okay with him.

The anxiety and fear that I get is only really around men older than me, so I don't get worried or anxious around men my age, or around younger boys. Usually it's someone older than me and in some sort of authoritative position. So it hasn't really affected me getting into a relationship, which is lucky for me but it has affected me in other ways. 

Most of my life I have had to see female doctors and opticians, I use to get super anxious when I had male teachers in secondary school, I feel anxious when I'm in a room alone with a man, I panic if a male stranger touches me, my personal bubble with male strangers is huge, my personal bubble with my male lectures at Uni is also pretty big.  But my anxiety varies depending on how I'm feeling that day. So for example, sometimes I physically cannot walk down a street without getting panicky or wanting to go home in case a man walks past me, other times I can just about cope with it all. As a general rule I just try and avoid any unnecessary contact with men so that I don't run the risk of having a panic attack, which means, I try to get female waiters, go to the cashier with a female or if there isn't one there I don't buy anything, I always ask for female doctors and will always go to a woman over a man. Only if I'm really forced and I have no other option will I go to a man, I usually have to rationalise it in my head first then take a deep breath and go for it.

Does anyone else suffer with this form of anxiety? I would love to know so I don't feel so weird about it. 

Stay awesome.